Saturday, May 27, 2006

Workplace Infidelity It's Hard work...

eMilyism proposed an idea which has resulted in the subject for today’s post. We are both posting on our respective Blogs about the same subject. The subject: Infidelity in the workplace

It must be the water in Sydney…but over the past six months I’ve personally heard of more than 20 incidents of office infidelity, it’s going crazy over here. But maybe this is a global movement after all if you believe the stats below… website posted results of a survey on infidelity with some extraordinary results. For example in the survey posted on this site:

- 2 out of 3 women and 3 out of 4 men admit they have sexual thoughts about co-workers

- 75% of men and 65% of women admit to having sex with people they work with

I’m sure these stats aren't completely accurate but who knows, seriously, you never know. In the workplace I work in, I know of five couples that met at work, whether they committed infidelity when getting together I’m not sure about.

Personally I’ve never been involved in any type of office romance of any description. I guess I’ve never worked anywhere that had any hotties and being gay also significantly reduced my suitable options as well. Friends of mine have committed infidelity in their workplace and some still continue with it today.

Theoretically, it makes complete sense that infidelity in the workplace would be common. Given we spend more quality waking time with our workmates then we do with our significant other at home.

Workplace infidelity takes many different forms but usually starts out with a bit of innocent flirting > moves to serious flirting > to lunch dates with each other > to phone calls outside work hours > meetings after work > kissing > sex…

A friend of mine Lisa (of course, totally not her real name) had an affair with a guy that works in the same office as her. Lisa was single at the time and this guy Phil (not his real name) was (and is still) married. They knew each other in passing, that was until a staff Christmas party had them chatting over a few (too many) drinks (what’s up with staff Christmas parties!... that’s a post for another time I think). One thing led to another and they were meeting every other day for a quickie in the toilets of the building they worked in. While the relationship began with the intentions of it remaining sexual this guy Phil wanted to leave his wife to be with Lisa. Of cause she called it off at this point.

My friend Lisa, being the level headed girl says she has learnt a lesson from her experience. She says there are just way too many risks that can arise as a result of workplace infidelity. Jjust in case you’re pondering whether to commit workplace infidelity here are some questions Lisa reckons you should ask yourself before embracing the beast...

- What happens when the sexual relationship ends and one party wants it to continue?
- What happens when others at work find out?
- What happens if it turns ugly?
- What happens if you fall in love?

You’ll be happy to know that Lisa is now in a committed relationship with her man of 2 years now…FYI – she met him on a blind date!

Until next time…all comments welcomed.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Can we all walk away from the "beast" AKA Infidelity?

Here is a huge confession...Apart from the current relationship I am in, I have never been fully faithful to my past partners. For whatever reason, either they have suspected I was cheating or vice versa and the infidelity has occurred. I remember when I was committing the act of deceit that I somehow validated it to make it ok. I decided to have a break from relationships to do the single thing for a while. During this time I decided that I was ready for a relationship, but I had also decided that this time I would do it differently. Some may say I just matured or perhaps the fact that I believe I'd found the LOML (love of my life) has contributed to my monogamous state?

I've been with the LOML for over two years without straying. I reckon we can all walk away from the beast when it pops up, its a self confidence issue. I'm not here to preach, I'm not religious, I'm not here to toot my horn or get on a high horse but the way I've managed to control the beast (infidelity) is fairly simple. For goodness sake, If I can do it we all can at least try. ..That goes for you ladies too, I have a lot of straight girlfriends that confess all sorts of things to me and I know a lot of them are currently in relationships and a lot of them have cheated on their fellas as well.

Here's a simple statement of fact, it's harder to be monogamous than to cheat...It's as simple as that! Whether you are straight, gay or bi, this simple fact remains. Seriously, we all know sex is that easy to come by nowdays, but what's more rare and something to be proud of is the ability to honestly state that you are completely monogamous to your partner.

I am very proud of the fact that I have been able to remain so for over two year and plan on continuing. I'm no saint, by any stretch of the imagination. Shit, I'm tempted all the time but I employ a really simplistic strategy. I just don't allow myself to be in a situation where I could slip. For example, if I am getting the eye from someone I find attractive I do not return the look. For me, I know enjoy a good flirt as much as the next person, however, I know how quickly an innocent flirt can go from a giggle to something completely out of control in a matter of minutes (you've all have been there!)...Its just not worth the risk. Another example, if someone tries to come onto me, I put it out there straight away that I have a boyfriend so there is no question that I am taken. We all know this maneuver isn't always respected by the other party and this is where I walk away immediately from the situation...Its just not worth the risk, yes I don't trust myself!

Obviously people stray in relationships for all sorts of reasons, very rarely is it ever just one reason either, its usually a host of different issues/reason/situations, etc. I highly recommend to anyone reading this that knows they are with someone they respect, love and believe in to try to walk away from the beast. Its never too late to start fresh. It really breaks your heart the first time you walk away from the beast because the immediate thought is "damn, I can't believe I just denied myself..." However it soon becomes more empowering the more times you do it. For me it means that I have come to value what I have more.

So what if your being completely faithful but you suspect your other half may be creeping on you? The thing is this, you can only control your own actions. Be true to yourself and the way you contribute to the relationship, if it turns out your other half has been creeping around on you and the truth comes out you only have to deal with your own conscience and so do they.

Have a go, try to walk away for the first time, you may be missing potentially the hottest shag, root, lay, bonk (however you describe it in your country) of your life but so what...its just a shag in the end!

Here's the thing, if you and your partner try and are unable to walk away from the beast then communicate openly to decide a way forward. In todays world relationships are not a one-size-fits-all package anymore. Communicate and work out a way together with both parties agreeing openly.

All feedback encouraged...

Friday, May 19, 2006

"It's an awful thing to find out but it's not the end of the world." …

This is a quote from the Lynne Hunt, wife of a famous television/radio star in Australia after it was revealed during the week that her husband of 34 years, Rex Hunt had been cheating on her for more than 15 years with three different hookers.

We all love a celebrity scandal but celebrities like us are only human. Rex Hunt like millions of men around the world thought his infidelity would remain a secret he said, "I thought that by paying money for sexual favors that I could buy anonymity, that I could buy confidentiality..".

Infidelity has so many faces and effects people in many different ways. In this instance, due to various circumstances Lynne Hunt didn't think the complete violation of trust was that big a deal. She was quoted as saying, "I wasn't happy about it. I was really, really upset about it [but] I have had a lot worse things happen in my life and this pales into insignificance - [like] losing family members". Most people that have been victims of infidelity will agree that it is the breach of trust which is harder to get over.

I know some of you reading this would be thinking to yourselves that Lynne is a spineless woman because cheating is cheating, a vow is a vow, trust is trust and cheating is cheating but maybe Lynne is right, it's not the end of the world...This may be true but the cost of her husbands infidelity will probably carry through the rest of her life, thats where the real damage is in this tale of indefility.

I tell you what Lynne hunt is a much stronger person then many of us...or is she simply a weak lady lacking the confidence to kick her man to the kerb where he needs to be?

Read the full story on the full story on the Sydney Morning Herald website

Thursday, May 18, 2006

What's DaDetail all about??

DaDetail is created as a means for me to publish and raise awareness of infidelity in relationships as a social issue. Too often, our society treats infidelity as a moral issue but the consequences when the truth comes out can have an enormously negative effect on individuals that are directly or indirectly involved. Infidelity claims a huge psychological and emotional toll regardless of innocence or guilt, once Tday (truth day) hits and its victims can include family, friends and society.

I, like everyone, have a fascination with the private lives of people, especially with regard to infidelity. I don't know too many people in relationships that haven't committed some form of infidelity. I've personally been the innocent and guilty party of infidelity so I approach this Blog with a completely open mind.

This Blog will include my own commentary on the issue and also seek your views on current issues relating to infidelity. I'll also discuss various situations that pop up in my own life (people love to confess things to me, donno what it is) which I'll share with you but of course only after I've change personal details about the confessor.

Judgmental don't live here at DaDetail so lets get it out there and talk about it...