Saturday, June 10, 2006

So when is cheating, cheating?

Today I’m gonna holler at you about the much talked about topic that usually swings the most silent observer into Dr Phil.

One of my close girlfriends (I’ll refer to as “Paris”) found herself in a frazzled state this week when her partner (I’ll refer to as “Bozo”) of about nine months served her up a healthy dose of dating reality. Here’s how it went down…

Paris and her (now sort-of ex) Bozo had had the discussion about where they were at with their relationship. Both agreed they were very happy in the relationship and without actually stating it, Paris had made an assumption that they were exclusive partners. Paris being the secure, sexy, confidant lady she is said to Bozo, “you are free to do whatever you want, we all are as adults”. With this element of freedom both also allowed each other the freedom to go out separately to bars and clubs with the trust that they were secure with each other.

Anyway, Bozo went out to a dance club last Sunday night. When Paris called him the next morning to see if he wanted to catch up since she was in his area, Bozo said he could meet her for lunch but not at the moment. When Paris asked why she couldn’t come over now, he admitted that he went out last night and had brought someone home and she is still at his place in the shower.

Paris admits that she and Bozo never had an actual conversation about whether or not they were in an exclusively monogamous relationship. Sure they had not had sex with others since their relationship became very close particularly in the last four months but added to that it was never stated they couldn’t. Bozo’s argument was that Paris had said he was free to do whatever he wanted.

Paris admits to giving Bozo the freedom to do whatever he wanted but never thought he would actually do what he did. She also appreciated his honesty. When she asked for my opinion I of course stated that I’m free to go and jump off the Harbour Bridge but I know the dire consequences of such an act, and Bozo (as an adult) clearly knew the consequences of having “just a shag” with a random disco bunny.

The scenario above is a great example to ponder the topic of today’s posting…So when is cheating, cheating?

For me, cheating in a relationship simply breaks down to this…If you do something in a relationship which you are not willing to tell your partner about, you’re cheating. Relationships for me are about total open communication and respect. It’s about giving the person you are with the opportunity to make decisions and judgments based on truth and fact.

So did Bozo cheat or not…You be the judge?

I think given he was honest without hesitation about what he did, he probably didn’t cheat. At the end of the day though, Bozo played himself because he didn’t consider the consequences…At this time, Paris is not willing to continue with what they had and she is only willing to do the friends thing with him now…they are both devastated.


At 2:08 pm, Blogger eMilyism said...

Bozo cheated..plain and simple. When i read your post i thought to myself that his action was really amatuerish. And what's worst he refused to take responsibility for it and turned the table towards Lisa instead.

What now? Do we have to put "Thou Shall Not Sleep With Others" in writing?

As far as i'm concern, Lisa should just leave him and chalked this up to experience =)

I wrote my piece on cheating. Called "Public Display of Infidelity (PDI)". Do give your thoughts.


At 1:25 pm, Blogger Moeology said...

In any light... it could be said that Bozo was cheating despite his honesty and the so called "freedom" given to him.

I believe when you get into a relationship there is a promise to each other that both of you would only commit yourself to each other (sexually i mean and maybe even spiritually, depending on the couple). Sleeping with another is a blatant breaking of such a promise. Thus cheating...

At 11:01 pm, Blogger dRod said...

Thanks for your opinion. I have to say most would agree with you. I think my friend may even be trying to work it out with Bozo...I'll keep you posted.

At 1:55 pm, Blogger AndyBoy079 said...

The act of cheating can only be measured by the act of getting caught, one doesn't exist without the other ............. proverbial tree in the forest.

At 2:37 am, Anonymous PW said...

I'm in a sexless marriage. My wife wants no physical contact. If I have sex with others, is it cheating?

At 9:52 pm, Blogger dRod said...

Tough one...I think it is cheating if you are willing to keep it a secret.


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